Sunday, December 13, 2009

Winds and Tides..

I am finding it difficult to find a schedule that adequately allows time for me to train, to sit Zazen, to chant, to work, and to get done the myriad list of tasks which must be done in order for the household to continue to run smoothly.

Compounding this, is the fact that I am perpetually tired lately..

I tend to notice this feeling to some degree at least at each change of seasons... or, more accurately, at each solstice and equinox time.. I am not sure if it is actually a physical thing, or whether I subconsciously know that the time is coming, and create it without meaning to.... whatever the case, I *feel* it, and struggle with it... and it makes things difficult at times.

Rather than become frustrated, I am simply acknowledging that there are cycles within cycles, and I will give it a week or two to 'work its way out', or not, and then I will tighten up and get back on track with a stricter mindset.

Certainly, I intend to be back on an even footing for the 'Rohatsu' Sesshin time-frame.

As in most things, arranging time is a delicate and constantly-changing dance involving the intricate give and take that is called for when trying to manage very limited resources.

I think that doing that is beneficial in its own way, however, I must find and eliminate the 'dead space' in my day, and ensure that I can allot the proper time to my practice.. the time is in there *somewhere* - I just have to find a better method of not only managing my time, but of doing it without creating headaches for myself and others.

I have noticed in the past that these fragments of time where we are buffeted and blown by the winds and tides of daily life often last for a relatively short period, and then calm and order once again ensues.. but, sometimes I have to help a bit.

Just as we must breathe in and out in order to stay alive, we must expand and contract in other areas of our lives as well.

I will use this time of relaxation to organize and tighten up other facets of my life and surroundings so that when it is time to contract once again, and to begin exerting a tighter degree of effort and concentration, I will be ready.

This is all part of the practice, in any case... if it simply fell into place with no necessity to work at it.. it would be pointless.

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