Monday, July 6, 2009
Over the past few days, but most noticeable to me today; I am perceiving the passage of time differently - by which I mean that I seem to have more time than I normally do, or that I am somehow finding pockets of time within moments where I have not done so in the past...
This is kind of hard to explain. It falls flat when I actually explicitly verbalize it.
Nevertheless, today seemed to me to be longer, fuller, brighter, and deeper... if deeper can be applied as an adjective to describe a day.
I am not sure if this perception is just a temporary anomaly... a product of a strange day... or whether it is caused by some shift in my perception, or what.
It makes me wonder what I was doing with my time in the past if all days are like this one... it seems a pity to me that I would have missed it. So much time in a day to enjoy. I have always noticed this... but not quite so much as today.
I expected to feel sadness or trepidation when my time got short.. but, I don't. Instead, I just want to be here... completely... and just soak in the moment like a sponge... good, bad, all of it.
I was trying to explain to my wife how everything was so perfect in its 'just-so suchness' and she looked at me like I was out of my gourd. I don't have the verbal capability of expressing this... and it is a bit frustrating. I can't understand why she, or anyone, can't already just see this... it is as plain as can be!
A tree doesn't know it is a tree... or that it is an apple tree, or a pine tree... nobody tells it what to do... and if we have expectations for it, it doesn't care. It is just a tree. That's all. No matter what... it is a tree. And, when it isn't a tree any more... it just isn't... it doesn't lament over the fact... it just... goes away... changes.... *everything* is like that... it is like somebody putting their hands into a bucket of liquid and stirring it up... its the same liquid; but the waves are all different all the time... if you look beneath the waves, though - it is all the same liquid. It is just like that!! HA! Isn't that *awesome*??!! Do you see?! (*grins!!*)